The signs are a familiar sight: a yellow triangle with a black border. A pictogram of a dog in the centre. The dog resembles a Doberman. The jaw is open, ready to bite or bark. The single eye is narrowed, the ears pricked. It wears a studded collar around its neck.
It is, more often than not, a lie.
A guard dog is a difficult security measure on a number of counts: they’re expensive to acquire and keep, prone to illness or injury, and can sometimes makes very costly mistakes.
Fortunately, though, you don’t need a dog to deter trespassers or thieves. The fear of a dog is enough; the vicious pictogram with the studded collar. For the most part an imaginary guard dog does the exact same job as a real one.
Electronic watchdogs consist of a proximity sensor and a speaker. When an intruder approaches they are greeted by a flurry of pre-recorded barks, modulated to sound as realistic as possible. A high-end model can switch intelligently from barking to a more conventional alarm sound, should it judge that an intruder isn’t fully convinced by the former.
The proliferation of non-existent guard dogs is extraordinary. You’ll see warning signs everywhere: on industrial estates, near factories, on the fencing around abandoned buildings, scrapyards and more.
If you believe what these signs tell you then the world is filled with salivating guard dogs, poised to savage even a casual intruder.
Other bluffs are just as common. A fake alarm system is easy to install, and can respond to movement with a pre-recorded announcement that “the authorities” have been called. Dummy motion sensors blink a tiny red LED in response to movement, but do nothing else of any consequence. Fake cameras are everywhere.
Even real security systems involve a degree of bluster. Sophisticated bicycle locks can be opened with the end of a biro. Extensive camera systems have no server space available to store their high-definition footage. Signs which promise 24/7 security patrols adorn premises to which a representative of the security company pays a visit once a week at most.
And as for the familiar promise that “Trespassers will be prosecuted”… that’s also a lie. Trespass is a civil offence, and prosecution almost impossible in most cases. “Trespassers will be asked to leave”, however, does not have the desired deterrent effect.
When you know to look for it, the illusion of security is everywhere. It shapes our cities, and it shapes our behaviours within those cities. We accept that we are being watched everywhere we go – it is, we believe, a well-known fact. We are, after all, one of the most spied-on nations in the world.
We believe, with conviction, that we live in a world where guard dogs haunt every patch of waste ground. Where our every move is logged and recorded. Where trespassers, however innocent their intentions, could easily end up in prison.
But nobody is watching. The dogs are an empty threat. We are surrounded by ghosts. For now, at least, you do not need to be aware of the dog.
Krishan Coupland is a graduate from the University of East Anglia MA Creative Writing programme. His debut chapbook When You Lived Inside The Walls is available from Stonewood Press, and his short fiction appears in Ambit, Aesthetica and Litro. He has won the Manchester Fiction Prize, and the Bare Fiction Prize. He runs and edits Neon Literary Magazine. He is unduly pre-occupied with theme parks. His website is www.krishancoupland.co.uk.